Slow Sunday

This ain't the Garden of Eden
There ain't no angels above
And things aren't what they used to be
And this ain't the summer of love.

"This Ain't the Summer of Love", Blue Oyster Cult

I had this idea to write up something really clever today, but I just can't find the inspiration. Maybe later.

TZ

More random tests

Try the Genghis Khan Genetic Fitness Test
307,570 descendants
As long as I get to wear a spikey hat and wave a sword around, it's all good.

Or The Improved Zombie Survival Test
Zombie Destroyer

Or maybe the Politics Test
According to this test, I am a...
Nah. That's too easy. You figure it out.

Or the How Evil Are You? Test
Heheheh. Dr. Evil. 60% evilness.
Just 60%? I need to get busy.

Or the Cowboy-Ninja-Pirate-Knight Test
An Enigma??? Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, over?
I seem to have distinct knightly and piratical tendencies, but I guess it all evens out.

Which Historic General Are You?
Genghis Khan!!!
Woohoo!!! Gimme that spikey hat and sword!!!

Support Hunting With Zombies!
From the makers of the www.urbandead.com online zombie survival game.
"...They say: Hunting with zombies is cruel.
Rubbish. "Hunting by zombie pack is the most natural and humane way of controlling what remains of the human race." - statement supported by surviving members of the Royal College of Science..."

And more fun with Zombies tests:
I haven't taken any of these, so I can't vouch for what's in 'em. Use at your own risk.

True Zombie Survival Test
Global Zombie Attack Survival Test
Zombie Awareness Test
What Kind of Zombie Are You?
The Zombie Survival Guide Test
The Real Zombie Attack Survival Test
The My Zombie Survival Test
The Enlightened Zombie Survival Test

Ah, hell, here's the list of tests.

Enjoy!
TZ

War of the Worlds 2

I think I figured out what's been bugging me about War of the Worlds.

Warning - more spoilers. Standard disclaimer applies.

Forcefields and projectile weapons. Air to surface missiles, 120mm smoothbore rounds, machine guns, hand grenades...nothing worked. From the outside, anyway.

So, when those lil' three-legged buggers invade, I'm going to go with FASCAM. Family of Scatterable Mines. From the link above:

"...They are designed to be delivered or dispensed remotely by aircraft, artillery, or by ground dispenser..."

Well, Martian war machines gotta walk on the ground, see, so I'm thinkin' that since their feet touched the ground, their feet could touch a scatterable anti-tank mine like the M76. Heheheh. Hope they brought Giant Martian War Crutches.

Why FASCAMs? 'Cause you can shoot and scoot. Sure, the Martians will probably blow up the mine dispenser (that'd be me, in this case), but maybe I could get a couple in the meanwhile.

Wonder if, in some other part of the War of the Worlds, somebody strapped a bunch of dynamite to a mannequin and tossed it out for the Martian War Machines to grab?

On the other hand, I was able to rationalize a way for the Martians (or whoever they were in the movie) to do what they did. Why would they bury their war machines "a million years ago" then wait until Tom Cruise is looking for his Mustang before attacking?

Easy: Wipe out potential competition.

It's an easy concept...You pre-position equipment and wait until you pick up radio signals indicating that the seeded planet has evolved intelligent technological life. Then you hustle over before they start buildling star ships and stomp the crap out of them. You don't have to share that way. "The Killing Star" by Charles Pellegrino (GREAT novel, by the way), touches on this subject.

Robots have three laws. Aliens can have three laws too:

1. Wimps don't make it to the top.
2. Their survival is more important to them than ours is.
3. They'll assume the first two rules appy to us too.

So there you have it: a recipe for interstellar extermination. It might also explain Fermi's Paradox: we haven't seen aliens yet because everyone wipes everyone else out as soon as they have the potential to drop by for a visit. Yup! You don't necessarily get to nuke yourself. Someone else stops in and does it for you.

It might explain sequential novas in the constellation Aquila: housekeeping. Eight novas in the last 100 years alone.

So, the Martians/aliens are here to wipe out humanity before we can develop space ships and come over to wipe them out. Makes as much sense as anything else.

Either that or weird alien religion:
Thou shalt not suffer an alien with four limbs to live!

Ya never know...

Repent, quadruped! The end is nigh!

TZ

War of the Worlds? 2005?

Seen this? The new one with Tom Cruise, Dakota Fanning, Steven Spielberg?

WARNING! SPOILERS INCLUDED! DON'T BLAME ME IF I RUIN THE MOVIE FOR YOU! TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR ACTIONS AND RUIN IT FOR YOURSELF!

Pretty cool - lots of interesting effects, completely bizarre aliens, and nifty apocalyptic scenes. This one was way cool. Parts of it were downright creepy. This scene in particular I found highly disturbing for some reason (maybe I drowned at sea in a former life or something). The alien lawn spreader was pretty gruesome, but I can live with that (but see below*). Summary here. I haven't read the summary yet, so don't quote me on it - your mileage may vary.

Okay, most of it was creepy. Parts of it were downright scary. A lot of disturbing images, which is funny since I laughed through most of "Natural Born Killers". Some of the scenes invoked dark memories of 9/11/01 and other recent events in the world. "Is it the terrorists?!" the daughter shrieks early on.** The burning train was pretty bad. Blah. Creepy.

Tim Robbins' character was cool. He's being described by most reviewers as a "crazed survivalist". Crazed? Yeah, he had a few screws loose. Survivalist? Dunno. He wasn't prepared enough - you dig BEFORE the aliens invade, and you don't get stuck at home if you have a couple days warning. Crazed survivalist? Nah. I know a few. He ain't it. But his character is cool.***

By the way, here's a cool site on avoiding looking like a crazed survivalist if looking like one is not your thing. There's a lot of good info on this site is you're more interested in surviving and less interested in open battle with commie hordes.

Couple of questions about War of the Worlds keep bugging me, though.

When the aliens buried their war machines "a million years ago", why didn't they just conquer the earth then? Weren't cavemen fun enough to chase through the woods? Maybe they were just waiting for Reality TV to evolve and wanted to exterminate that?

I guess the aliens hadn't heard of germ theory either (but, hey, maybe they hadn't - they're aliens, after all, and it is the f***ing point of the story, so I'm willing to cut 'em some slack). Guess it was just odd to see the lil' three-legged buggers running around nekkid without a care in the world. I'd've wanted alien bug spray, personally.

*Wouldn't an alien wood chipper have been more efficient than a giant syringe? Waste not, want not! (yeah, that's alien red stuff, a LOT of blood, and part of a cow in the yard). After all, you've come a long way and don't want to run out of fertilzer before you grow enough of whateverthehell that red stuff was.

**The first few hysterical shrieks were okay, but it got old REAL fast. Kids got no respect for the end of the world these days.

***Too bad Cruise's (Ray Ferrier) character killed Robbins' character (Harlan Ogilvy) instead of the f***ing bratty spoiled kids. Heck, if I'd acted like that during an alien invasion when I was a kid, PoppaZombie and MommaZombie would've beat the $hit outta this lil' zombie, then left me for the alien lawn spreader machine.

/Start Rant/ By the way - that last link is just a joke. I don't subscribe to newfangled ideas about reasoning with kids and dealing with their need to express themselves and achieve self-actualization through being allowed to do basically anything they want. It's a waste of time and not good for anyone, especially the kids. Reason with a three year old? A fourteen year old? PLEASE!!! (Note - that last link is a joke too) But that's another topic. But seriously, folks, don't fall for the crap. Too many two-legged animals running around out there being mistaken for human until they hurt someone else. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR SPAWN! My barbarian horde will thank you for it after the collapse of civilization. Your neighbors will thank you for it now.
Don't make me get medieval on your brats, or you. But I digress... /END RANT/

And that airplane (looked like a 747 to me) crash on the former in-law's house? VERY empty plane. Where'd everybody go? And why did that one guy's video camera work when cars and even watches went dead from EMP? Yeah, I could deal with the car with new solenoids being workable, but it was just too odd. And what was up with that force field? They could drag people into their baskets through it but you couldn't penetrate it with a rocket launcher? And was that orange snot venting from the war machines as the aliens got sick and died?

But don't think I'm being completely negative.
The alien war machines were pretty cool. The spotlights and blaring foghorn/trumpets were interesting. The machines themselves seemed to be partially organic or biotic (giant cyborgs, maybe?). The foghorn sound in particular was used to good effect, as it usually presaged a completely inconvenient arrival of the aliens.

And I learned that in order to be a good daddy I shouldn't leave car engines in the kitchen. 'Course, I think the kids were a total loss prior to the start of the movie, but what do I know?

Too bad this movie never said the where the aliens came from. They ~implied~ Mars (the red planet scene in the prologue), but I guess it doesn't matter when the aliens are disintegrating your neighbors and throwing semis at you. I can't say I'd stop to ask.

But if they'd've thrown some NASA probes at the helpless puny humans, that would have been pretty funny. "Drop this on us, huh?"

TZ

I'm Godzilla...

Found this nifty online quiz.

I'm the Big G.

Godzilla 92%
Rodan 83%
King Ghidorah 72%

Cool.

Blahhhg

It's a Holiday in Cambodia, y'all. Zombies, so it would seem.

But don't worry - if zombies get here, their impact on the nation's infrastructure is already being studied.

And this might help too... WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW.
The cool part is that there is some actual useful information here.

Personally, I'd ditch the zombie book in favor of a US Army Survival Manual: FM 21-76 .

Make sure you've got an evac plan ready.

TZ

Favorite Zombie DVDs and Books

Some favorites in no particular order

DVDs
Night of the Living Dead - 1990 remake - I thought it was better than the original, but not everyone agrees; it is probably my favorite zombie movie, regardless.

Night of the Living Dead - 1968. George Romero's website is here. Kyra Schon's website is here. Ms. Schon played "Karen Cooper" in the 1968 movie.

Dawn of the Dead - 1978 - find the Director's Cut if you can; it's in the 4-disc Ultimate Collection. A tribute site is here. The Monroeville Mall's website is here. They even have maps - if you're in to roleplaying games or wargames, you might find them handy. A classic, even with the pie fight included.

Day of the Dead - The original script is quite a bit different from the final version - more like "Land of the Dead". You can find a link to the original script in the "Films" section of the Homepage of the Dead. The underground "bunker" is the Meritex Commerce Center in Wampum, PA. No maps, though.

Land of the Dead - The official website is here. There's even a "supply run" game.

Dawn of the Dead - 2004 - more of a reimagining than a remake. The official website is here. They have a "dark parking garage full of zombies" game.

Shaun of the Dead - Billed as "A Romantic Comedy...With Zombies!" Just a lot of fun. The official site is here. Trivia bit: Simon Pegg ("Shaun") and Edgard Wright (of "Shaun of the Dead") had zombie cameo bits in "Land of the Dead".

Wild Zero - Japanese punk rock superheroes vs. yakuza, aliens, and zombies! What more could you want? "Rock 'n' Roll is NOT over, baby. Rock 'n' Roll never dies!" The official website is here: "Brutality of Screen!!! TRASH AND CHAOSSSS!!!! The Great Psycho of Them All! Thrill, Speed, and Stupid Zombies. Pretty good review here. The band, Guitar Wolf, has a website too. A fan site states that Bass Wolf passed away on 30 March 2005. More details here.

28 Days Later - Yeah, so they're not really dead, and there are plot holes big enough to throw a flaming bus full of Infected through. It's still a good movie. Rumors of a sequel called "28 Weeks Later" are making the rounds.

Meat Market - low budget indie, but good use of stock footage combined with end-of-the-world scenes and sets). The sequel is just as gruesome, and way more bizarre. These are somewhere between Dawn of the Dead (2004) and Wild Zero. Gratuitous Lucha Libre, bisexual female vampire wrestlers, weird quotes from Francis Ford Coppola's Dracula, etc. Odd stuff. Your mileage may vary.

Chopper Chicks in Zombietown - Goofy, but fun. Martha Quinn, VJ from the early years of MTV, has a part. Billy Bob Thornton is there too. This one is somewhere between SHE DEVILS ON WHEELS and CHUD II: Bud the CHUD.

Bubba Ho-Tep - Elvis and JFK (played by Ossie Davis) vs. Eqyptian undead in an East Texas nursing home. It's got everything! Based on a short story by author Joe Lansdale, featuring Bruce Campbell as Elvis (or Sabastian Haff if you prefer). Best line: "You treat me like a baby again, I'll wrap this godd@mn walker right around yer head!"

Last Man on Earth - Based on "I Am Legend", the short story that inspired "Night of the Living Dead". Vincent Price versus the walking dead (why was I not surprised?). Dated, but good. Moody. Price did a good job with the creeping insanity part (again, why am I not surprised*?).

The Omega Man - Heck, why not? It's vaguely related to "I Am Legend" and "The Last Man on Earth". Updated version of The Last Man on Earth, but now dated. And odd. Uber-macho lone survivor versus mutated neo-luddite victims of biological warfare. There's a lot more "not sick" survivors in this version too.

*But that's not a slam on the late Mr. Price. I met him once, many years ago. He was, to all appearances, a very polite and friendly fellow, and tolerated several dozen college-aged horror movie fans with admirable aplomb.

Print
Night of the Living Dead, John Russo - The novelization of the movie that started it all. Out of print now, but worth the effort if you can get a copy. The characters in the movies get a lot more detail and development - you finally learn where Ben was heading and why Johnny was ~really~ giving Barbara such a hard time.

The Zombie Survival Guide : Complete Protection from the Living Dead, Max Brooks - Well, you never know...It might come in handy some day, and the survival information is accurate for the most part.

The Dead, Mark E. Rogers - The seas and the graves gave up their dead, and man were THEY pi$$ed!

The Rising, Brian Keene - Yeah, okay, the rogue military sexploitation stuff is annoying, but there's a shortage of decent zombie novels out there. It's got some nifty scenes in it, and a slightly different take on the zombie genre.

City Of The Dead, Brian Keene - sequel to The Rising. Don't expect a happy ending. Or do. Depends on what you want in an ending. It reminds me a lot of "The Dead" (Mark Rogers).

BOOK OF THE DEAD - Short stories inspired by Romero's films. "Jerry's Kids Meet Wormboy", "On the Far Side of the Cadillac Desert, With Dead Folks" and "Like Pavlov's Dogs" are too cool.

BOOK OF THE DEAD 2 : STILL DEAD - And its sequel.

Wet Work, Philip Nutman - Expands on a short story in "Book of the Dead". There's a new and improved version in the works, but I don't have any details on it.

All Flesh Must Be Eaten: Revised Edition RPG, Eden Studios - THE zombie survival horror RPG! If any of you remember the old days of dice and paper RPGs, this is the one. Any sort of zombie scenario can be developed with these rules. Can't recommend them highly enough.

I Am Legend, Richard Matheson - The short story that inspired "Last Man on Earth", "Night of the Living Dead", and "The Omega Man".

Field Guide to the Apocalypse : Movie Survival Skills for the End of the World, Meghann Marco - Loads of fun! AND there's a zombie section. AND the science and survival info is solid. This book has it all!

Dawn of the Dead, George Romero, Susanna Sparrow - Out of print, but worth the search if you're a completist.

TZ

I'm me. What the hell are you?

Surviving the End of the World as We Know It...via Hyperlink Hell.

Emergency supply checklists: Don't be a dumb@ss and pay for lists in somebody's lame-@ss book.

Check here. And here. And here.

Keywords:
Bail-out Bag or Bug Out Bag (BOB)
Bail-in Bag orBug In Bag (BIB)
Three-day existance pack

If you want good survival tips, grab a copy of the SAS Survival Handbook.

Check this out. I'm a Loner. Secondary Goth. Then a Geek. I would've thought I'd be a Loner, then a Geek. Yeah, Goth is cool, but it ain't THAT cool. Maybe it's all the black clothes or something.


But, heck, who cares??? I'm an official Zombie Attack survivor - 84%!
Official Survivor
Congratulations! You scored 84%! Whether through ferocity or quickness, you made it out. You made the right choice most of the time, but you probably screwed up somewhere. Nobody's perfect, at least you're alive.

You scored higher than 91% on survivalpoints


Don't know where I lost 16% - probably age or something like that. Oh well, at least I'm a heavily armed febrile elderly 30-something. I guess maybe I should upgrade to a bigger armored vehicle.

And if you are not a waste of biomass, you'll already play "All Flesh Must Be Eaten" Zombie Survival Horror RPG by Eden Studios, Inc.

Here's the Archetype test.
I'm a Biker, then a Detective, then Police Officer. Go figure. I don't do motorcycles, but maybe I could drive the Swag Waggon and carry oil filters for the rest of the nice folks in the pack.

If you can't find a printed copy, you can download one here. www.DriveThruRPG.com is a great site for finding RPGs.

RPGNow.com is the other good game download site - they have Savage Worlds and Over the Edge RPGs. Over on RPGNow.com, check out Zombie Run as a great Zombie Survival Horror scenario/mini-campaign. Cross-country zombie mayhem!

And this b@stard just ditched part of this post again. Okay. One more time.

So, if you're wondering what kind of non-Zombie Apocalypse Survivor you might be, check here.
I'm rated as a Dictator, then an Isolationist, then a Loner (then a Raider, then a Thug). Go figure. But don't worry - my tyranny will be cool, and my kung fu will be strong.

That's actually a bit disturbing - I didn't think I was ~that~ bad. But still, better to be the oppressor than the oppressed, thinks I.

And then there's THIS Nuclear War Survivor Type test.

"Consider that a divorce! You're

Arnold Schwarzenegger!

Maker of mediocre action pics and son of an actual Nazi, you're perhaps an insane joke on God's part. Why should you survive while others perish? Is it your hair, your brains or that manly gap in your teeth? Is it because you're going to lead California to a new tomorrow? Is it because you've paid someone enough money so that radiation doesn't harm you? Are you a real cyborg?

Arnold is the new Jesus. Stat."

Hmmm...New Jesus, huh? That could be interesting. My tyranny will be cool, my kung fu will be strong, and my religion will usher in an age of darkness and horror unseen since Cthulhu did his thing on the dinosaurs.

But don't worry folks - according to this test, I'll only live unti June 2052 or thereabouts. Huzzah! 47 more years of stuff and things and stuff.

That ought to be time to rack up some seriously bad karma.

So, what's the point of all this?

F*cked if I know, bubba. Just seemed like the thing to do on a dark and stormy night with no rain.

TZ

RPG Systems

Seems like the biggest "question" these days is rules-heavy or rules-lite? Rules-lite, here.
"Over the Edge" and "octaNe" are great examples of rules-lite RPGs that require cooperative story telling on the part of all involved.

"Zombi: The Earth Won't Hold the Dead" is an somewhat obscure RPG from Ireland that is now out of print (they turn up on eBay every now and again, however). This little gem is rules-lite, but has a fairly extensive barter section wherein prices are listed in terms of "cans of food". Or "tins", actually. It was written in Ireland, after all.

"Tri-Stat" isn't bad either, nor is "Unisystem" (both Classic and Cinematic versions).

What we're playing here these days:

"All Flesh Must Be Eaten" (Eden Studios' Zombie Survival Horror RPG - Unisystem Classic)

"Classic Traveller: the Spinward Marches" (GDW)

"Empire of the Petal Throne" (homebrew, "Over the Edge" conversion and Tri-Stat "Tekumel" rulebook depending on what we're feeling like.

Oh, if you don't know what an RPG is, I really can't help you. It has nothing to do with a rocket-propelled grenade in this case, and you're probably thinking I'm a freak by now. Which I probably am, but that's another topic.

TZ

Why "No Great Mischief"?

"They are hardy, intrepid, accustomed to a rough country, and no great mischief if they fall."
General James Wolfe, 1759, on recruiting Highland Scots for the British army in the Seven Years' War

'Tis no great mischief...

Well, maybe it is.

At this point in the space/time continuum, I hereby bring this blog into being.

Hmmm... I thought there might be a flash of light or a fanfare or something. I guess not.
No problems. I've got a flashlight around here somewhere.

Discussions to follow. There's no goal or point - much like life. But maybe the answer to T.S. Eliot's question, "After such knowledge, what forgiveness?" will pop up.

Nah. But that's a cool question. I've been itching to use it for a while now.

I guess I could toss this out - it was an odd idea that occurred this morning:

"A specific event at a specific point in space/time only occurs once in the history of a 20 billion year old universe that may last another 1000 billion years. Each event is unique, so enjoy the moment - there will not be another identical to this one."

That's all well and good when you're having fun. It's carrion comfort when a zombie is trying to eat your brain.

TZ