You Can't Drink Just Hype

G'morning, everyone!

WARNING! WARNING! ALL LINKS USED WITHOUT PERMISSION - Deal with it, link folks! I haven't had my coffee yet.

So, anyway, I'm like thinking about all this Cloverfield/Slusho before I went to sleep last night (the book I was reading was INCREDIBLY boring - sorry, Greg).

And then this thought starts coming together...

There may not be a monster in this virally-advertised way-too-cool too-hyped movie. Allow me to postulate. At the very least, this old zombie is a bit concerned.

1. Why this much hype this early on? Is Paramount worried? Why threaten websites that post too much information with legal action? Honestly, I think this is hype too. I mean, come on Paramount. Are you really so reduced in significance that this is meaningful legal action to you? Talk about over-inflated egos! You'd think the movie industry does something really important and critical, unlike folks that do unimportant things likes, oh, I dunno, making medicine, curing and healing folks, building machines, keeping the electricity and water running, etc. *

2. I've heard the film will be released initially in Japan. In Ichigatsu. Why? Are Paramount and Bad Robot worried the movie won't do as well in the US in the following summer?

3. Hyper-hype about secrecy and scripts and call sheets and stuff. Is there a problem with the script? Rewrites due to budgetary constraints? Problems with a good ending for the story?

4. I'm beginning to wonder if there's gonna even be a monster in this Giant Monster Movie. There are several reasons:

• The producer uses pretty much the same team for everything, and they don't seem to write conventional scripts. They get off on messing with folks' heads and considering themselves to be some sort of intellectual elite. I know the type. I seem them everyday.
• An artsy-pretentions of intellectual superiority-Blair Witchy monster movie might be considered cool if said monster were not shown. Implied instead. Focus on the faces of the oh-so-sincere actors.
• No budget. $30 million used to be a fortune. Not anymore.
• Politics. Got this sneaking suspicion that the movie makers are going to be more interested in making the movie look like 9/11 to invoke visceral fear in the audience, then toss in some ham handed and ignorant polite commentary.

5. So I'm beginning to wonder if we're gonna see a monster, or just glimpse it, or just have an implied monster. Heck, wouldn't surprise me at this point if the monster turns out to be a conspiracy or delusion.

*So I think I've about convinced myself to NOT go see the movie. I'm thinking the signs indicate "No so good" and "Over hyped" and "The guys making the film are jerks."**

• Exhibit A: The San Diego Comic Con incident. The producer made a big scene about announcing the title of the movie, then basically said, "No, I've decided not to tell you." All with what looked to me to be an expression of smug self-satisfaction.

So there's the early morning egomaniacal scoop on Cloverfield this bright Sunday mornin'.

BLAH! I NEED COFFEE! BLAH! BLAH, HUMBUG!