Thursday, August 30, 2007

Gloating and Derision

First, the Gloating:
Post K-T boundary dinosaur remains: It's also in this month's Discover magazine.

Now the Derision: HAH! The dogmatic scientific orthodoxy may have been wrong! HAH! F*ck you, Guardians of Scientific Orthodoxy.

*ahem*
Well, that felt good.

I won't sit here and whine about why I feel so strongly about it. If you're that concerned, I'll tell you. Otherwise, just know that it feels good to see new ideas being discussed instead of dismissed out of hand.

Did some dinosaurs make it thorugh the extinction event at the end of the Cretaceous and survive into the Paleocene? I have no idea. The important part is that it is being discussed. Science is about discussion.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Clovercheese and Giant Lice

So now we have a new poster (probably fake - looks like a photoedited copy of a 1964 Godzilla suit) and a monster roar on 1-18-08.com after six* minutes. The roar is cool. Way cool. Still synthetic (i.e. not derived from animal sounds or combinations/variations thereof).


*Slusho! You can't drink just six! (which as we all know could be an anagram of "A toxic industry's junk."). But which toxic industry? Bulk chemical manufacturing or the movie industry? :)

So, to sum up my summations so far:
1. Lots of faked posters.
2. Roar is synthetic.
3. You can prove anything with an angram, facetious or not. In my case, facetiously for the most part.
4. Not Voltron, Cthulhu, or Godzilla.**

**However, this notion going around of little critters jumpin' off the big critters to eat everything/everyone in New York...

Remember Godzilla: 1985? Or, rather, the Return of Godzilla if you're a G-Fan*** purist. The shokilas where those giant mutant sea lice that were eatin' folks on the ship Big G attacks early in the film.

***G-Fan rocks. Go buy a bunch of copies.

My point, however, is that this particular rumor isn't original in the sense that it could easily be a based on the 1984/1985 Godzilla film. I mean, how many folks that like monster movies remember when that movie came out? Other than me? :)

Friday, August 24, 2007

INVASION!!!

So with all the rain and heat and tropical conditions, the Age of Reptiles is upon us once again.

We've been invaded by geckos. Dozens of the cute lil' buggers.
Mediterranean geckos, it appears. Which is weird when you live in Texas. Well, weirdER anyway.

But it's cool. They're (currently) VERY tiny and haven't tried to kill us yet. I'm guessing some momma gecko laid a clutch of eggs out back or out front under the edge of the siding and now her brood has hatched.

Now if I can just convince the cats to stop playing with them...

Sunday, August 19, 2007

IMTU - In My Traveller Universe

IMTU - In My Traveller Universe...

So I started dusting off notes from my old Traveller games and posted some of them over at Citizens of the Imperium. Then I thought, well, since I'm running out of room on my current web pages, I could just dump 'em in Blogland and let 'em go from there. No copyright infringement is intended, all links are used without permission, and if it isn't your stuff it's my stuff and is copyrighted.

So, my Traveller RPG universe isn't quite canon.

Here are some examples:

1. Freely swipe ideas from CT, MT, TNE, T4, and GT . Use of both canon and non-canon sources out of chronological order and in the wrong context.

2. AI, nanotechnology, genetic engineering, and transhumanism in high TL societies.

3. Droyne expansionism under an unknown leader coordinating activities across multiple sectors. While many Droyne are childlike and gentle, many more are violent, ruthless, and governed by strange emotions.

4. The 3I is officially run by the Emperor and Nobles in a sort of techno-feudal system, but the megacorps and other political and economical entities play an equally powerful role (sort of like the Dune Navigators telling Shaddam IV where to get off).

5. Other worlds and other critters. Psionic Shanthas of Jorune. Rumors of a strange planet called Tekumel far beyond the fringes of known space.

6. "Little Empires" that don't use Jump Drive and blast through space in their relativistic fusion rockets.

7. Pirates aren't terribly common, but are commonly terrible when they turn up, but smugglers abound and running Imperial blockades is a good career choice for many people.

8. The Solomani Rim War didn't go so badly for the Solomani, so they're still a distinct and very real threat to the 3I (Solomani on one side, Droyne/Zhodani on the other, and the K'Kree probing for weakness on the part of either the Solomani Confederation or the 3I).

9. Genetic engineering and nanotechnology (more of a bio-nanotech) - starting at TL 12, a player could opt for a "rebuild" and have stats lifted to at least half of the TL from which the treatment is obtained. From TL12 or so up, people don't get sick, don't scar, and generally live a heckuva long time. If someone wants to spend a bazillion credits, they can basically get whatever stats they want if they can get treatments at a sufficiently high tech level.

10. Nanotech can only work in controlled environments (handwave) because of Brownian Motion, the Uncertainty Principal and Arvaangulesh's Theorem. People that have it accept it as a given, kind of like nuclear power - it can do cool things for you, but its done in a big ominous building with lots of guards and safety protocols.

11. Medical technology quickly gets to the point at the higher TLs where you can basically survive anything IF you get treated in time. On backwater or low TL worlds, though, you're still out of luck. Sure, they can probably grow you a new leg in Glisten System, but you have to survive the fight and get there first.

12. Distribution of TL and Wealth - the Nobles IMTU own everything. The way they maintain their position is controlling wealth and technology and distributing/allowing it for their vassals depending on whim, favor, service, potential threat, etc. So, a bunch of scruffy Free Traders are less likely to be tolerated with a Regina-Biobuild Enhancement than would be a Noble Lady of Mora.

13. So there's this huge black market in stolen high TL goodies. People will pay a lot to live 500 years or more. People who want to stay in control will do a lot to make sure they don't have competition. Big risk in "tech running" to lower TL worlds, but a big payoff if it works.

14. But even if you get some TL 15 goodies to a TL 8 world, they don't always work (hand wave) forever. There's no infrastructure to maintain them. Some are designed to routinely self-destruct and stop operating if they're moved or if the light is the wrong wavelength. Most are just incomprehensible and no one knows how to recharge/reload.

15. No limits on how high a stat can get. Its fun to see someone role up an Aslan Munchkin Warrior only to end up with a Soc (or whatever the equivalent stat is) of 24 and therefore own most of a planet somewhere back home. Abdication isn't always healthy when the rest of the clan thinks you're either 1) dishonorable or 2) may come back and disrupt their plans to take over and redistribute the wealth. And a Hiver "psychologist" with Manipulation 18 is just a hoot to watch.

16. Jump-capable ships are usually smarter than their crews. A TL12+ ship is an NPC that can communicate through nanoengineered wireless systems with crew. Library data is transmitted directly to the crew or owner (or passengers if they have the right receivers and authorizations).

17. Chargen (that's Character Generation to the uninitiated out there) - one to three skill rolls per year, even with Basic CT. Starting the game with only Air/Raft - 1 and Cr100 kinda stinks. And your character can't die during Chargen.

18. Back to computers - AI is everywhere. High TL citizens have their own internal/intercranial Fire Walls.

19. Planetary systems can be crowded - the UPP is only for the primary or capital planet/object. A TL15 system can have trillions of inhabitants scattered from the star out to its Kuiper Belt.

13. STL (slower-than-light) space travellers are always popping up, many of whom are thousands of years behind the times due to relativistic time distortion.

14. Smart Weapons really are smart. Some work with the ship or grav carrier to make themselves smarter. You can snipe from orbit with a sufficiently advanced rifle.

ROBOTICS IMTU

1. People want machines that do what they're told, not machines that know, or think they know, what you want. Good example: Windows XP routinely thinks it knows what I want. Windows Vista is worse. I miss Windows 3.0, because it did what it was told. Simulated intelligence is bad enough!

2. AI at any TL is expense in terms of space and programming. Circuitry is big, and big is costly. And fragile. And prone to errors.

Depending on TL, robots are common, but not always in the Star Wars sense. Once you get to TL 7 or 8 or thereabouts (maybe earlier in some cases) you'll have industrial robots used in construction. TL 8 - 9 household and other "service" bots. Progressively higher TLs have progressively more robots in terms of number and ability unless there's some cultural bias for or against bots.

The vast vast majority of bots are high tech toys that do things sapients could do whether or not they themselves are sapient. Think of a "Furby" that can take clean your house or take care of your lawn. Most of these aren't intelligent - they just seem that way.

IMTU most vehicles, including starships, have some kind of autopilot function from TL 9 to A and up. Bigger is better, so many starships are fully intelligent beings in their own right, though mostly hampered by programming that forces (?) or limits their view of the universe to make them coworkers rather than rulers. The reason for this is that starships have to be big, and are already expensive, so adding the cost of a dispersed brain that makes up large sections of interior bulkheads is cost efficient. At the least it'll get you home. At the best it's a tour guide, chauffeur, and another member of the party.

My excuse for not having legions of robot soldiers - they're too expensive to shield from electromagnetic pulse and hack attacks. Plus MTU Imperium is very warlike (a feudal technocracy with the Megacorps and Nobles holding power distributed by the Emperor - think "Dune") and to deny any human the right to struggle for glory and honor is unthinkable philosophically. And it's cheaper financially. AI Warbots would be tank sized and vulnerable to electronic lobotomies. A barbarian trained to wear and equipped with a Combat Environment Suit is a lot cheaper.

J-Brains (Jupiter Brains), stellar brains, etc. - I just don't worry about them. No one needs that kind of processing power except the surviving Ancients, and they're not talking. When such minds have arisen, the plug has been pulled.

So, basically, robots are everywhere, but mostly in supporting roles due to expense and size.

Expense - think of it from the point of view of some guy from the Bronze Age while their horses are trying to pull a giant monolith. "Stop! You're killing the horses! Use slaves instead! They're cheaper!" And easier to brainwash IMTU.

And on a side note, the vast majority of Imperial troops are recruited from "barbarian" worlds (anyone TL8 or lower). They're easier to entice with high tech goodies and massively increased pay (i.e. recruit and train a thousand TL3 barbarians and equipment them with TL12 equipment, but pay them a TL6 salary). Kill all you want - we'll breed more! You don't need factories to get barbarians - you just need huts. Sure, you can make robots faster, but there are a lot more barbarian planets than robot warrior factories. And it's easier to smartNuke a factory than a planet...

On the topic of size - AIs are everywhere IMTU at TL10 and up. Most are very specialized and might more accurately be called "Simulated Intelligence." safetyNet is a good example. It's a common "AI" around starports. It watches for accidents (traffic, industrial, cargobot runs over someone, ship is leaking coolant, etc.) and calls them in to the local authorities (i.e. DownPort Management, or portNet). You can talk to it, and it can carry on a quite erudite conversation as long as you talk about DownPort things and safetyNet. Ask it about civilNet and it will continue talking.

It has just opened a channel to civilNet so it can relay information to you about local JTAS chapters or where to find a good restaurant or how to get to the Chirper Reserve. It happens so seamlessly and quickly that human minds never notice.

Kind of like how so many people use wireless phones, high speed internet, and internal combustion engines without a clue of how they operate. Once you're born into it, it becomes as much of the background as a tree or clouds.

Like robots. High tech societies (A and above) just accept them as a given.

Look at it this way - Sometime in the next 20 years at the latest, keyboards and hard drives as we recognize them today will have disappeared. Come back in 100 years and they'll be as out of date as chariots and spears. Come back in 1000 years and they might not be recognized as useful tools. They'd be as out of date at flint knives and mammoth hunting.

In terms of implants, everyone TL A and up uses them. Mostly they are non-invasive (i.e. contact lenses with HUD, tiny devices that adhere to the skin behind your ear and blend in). People can always be in touch with their local 'net, shipNet, fleetNet, etc. Its like the internet without a keyboard using highly advanced and improved wireless technology.

Weapon implants are usually highly specialized situations. At worst you're owned by the guys that installed them. At best you're ostracized by society at large.

So, here's an example. High Tech Cyber Warrior Dude lands on a TL 14 planet and takes a stroll through the DownPort. Everyone starts to call in reports of a heavily armed individual whether or not the weapons are allowed by law and whether or not the Cyber Warrior is behaving suspiciously or not. Local safetyNet nodes (the same light posts and hidden Eyes that call in traffic accidents) make the same calls. Cyber Warrior's onboard circuits begin to receive incoming messages and attempts at interrogation or outright disconnection by safetyNet AIs and concerned citizens. Word goes out on civilNet that a high tech "barbarian" is at the DownPort. Kids start trying to hack his systems just to see how closely his offworld systems resemble their own. Next thing you know, he's being returned to his ship "for his own protection". Shoot the place up? Cyber Warrior could do that, and do a good job. So could a guy with an ACR or PGMP. Eventually, however, whatever local equivalent of law enforcement exists is going to arrive in force and shut things down (usually a sniper or an EMP grenade or both). End result: it's never a good idea to run around scaring folks in public with obvious military hardware.

The other way to discourage it is not to offer military implants. Want one? Join the Army. What? You were mustered out? Then they kept their implant. Buy one on the Black Market? Sure. Now find a surgeon. How do you know the surgeon is trustworthy or even a surgeon? Now get it programmed and calibrated. Oh, you need an engineer and a bioengineer for that. Join the Army. What? You were kicked out? etc etc You could build an entire campaign about some guy trying to get military implants.

Why does this help?

I don't have time to educate Traveller newbies. Someone needs to be the Voice of the Referee and Provide Guidance. shipNet, civilNet and libraryNet do that quite effectively. It's nothing their characters couldn't find out by accessing the TAS databases - in fact, it's the same information. All you have to do is make the connection instead of walking across town. We do the same thing all the time now. Our descendants will do it even more often and more efficiently. When or if someone else joins the game, even if it's one of the Old Gang for a single session, it'll be the same for them. Which is a long winded way of saying, I don't have the time to explain everything to the players, so they can learn as they go as long as they're in civilized areas. When they're on some backwater world, they still have shipNet and the last library it downloaded before hitting the Jump Point.

And on biotech IMTU... I extend human modifications to biological enhancements. At a minimum, from TL A and up, people get sick less often and live far longer (nanotech, biotech, genetic engineering and bionanotech).

An Example:

Ms Noble is a Noble from a TL 15 world. As such, she's a child of privilege and has never known sickness or significant injury. She's never seen many old or disabled people. Because the world is TL 15, there are a wide variety of bodyMods that could have been chosen by her parents.

Str, Dex, End are generated by 1D6+6, Int by 1D6+8, Edu is F due to the natural of the high tech civilization. Soc (since the player wanted a noble) is base A.

A "Marduk" (warrior culture on the same world): Str, Dex, End are generated by 1D6+10. Everything else as above, except Soc is 2D6.

Does this result in powerful characters? I guess so, in the vague sense. You can have a Traveller SpaceHound with a profile of FFFFFF and he/she/it can still be taken out by a PGMP, a .50 caliber sniper, heck, a 9mm to the head, or a horde of savages with TL1 spears. It's just a way to demonstrating that high TL worlds and Nobles have it better than everyone else. Even if a bunch of "Ultras" with FFFFFF profiles take off a'piratin' on the Spinward Main, eventually someone with a meson spine mount is going to wreck their day after they've terrorized enough locals to really hack off the local Nobles and MegaCorps.

All of which is a very long-winded way of saying "Do what you think is best, and let the Imperium take care of the rest."

Religionnnn innnnnn Spaaaaace!

1. Solomani religions - some of the old ones are around and are still recognizable. Others are substantially altered (similar to the religions described in the Dune novels). Some new ones are localized and mostly ignored by everyone else. And there's the Solomani Hypothesis which some folks take as a sort of religion.

2. Zhodani - Treat religion as a "bad idea". Pray, and the Thought Police take you away and make you all better.

3. Vilani - More like the Solomani religions, but "odd". I always had this idea of a pantheistic religion with huge temples and gigantic statues that looked oddly like giant robots (i.e. the Ancient warmachines that ravaged ancient Vland). Lots of incense and hours of weird chants and really nasty sacred food that tastes like soured vegetable oil strained through a dirty sock and coated with armpit.

4. Droyne - No translatable concept. The coynes are a psionic focus that is used because, well, it's been used for 20,000 odd years. They're too practical, and mostly run on instinct or autopilot. As a species they don't spend any time on anything that's not directly related to their roles in their communities. They don't live long enough to wonder about things. If you have time to wonder about things, you're ready to commit ritual suicide and make room for the next bunch of hatchlings.

5. Aslan - Ancestor worship. Sort of. Doesn't translate well. More like long-running fan clubs. I like the idea of Aslan "worshipping" the possession of territory (males) or intellectual property (females).

6. Vargr - 20,000 worlds with 2,000,000 religions at least. Or ideologies that resemble religion. Sometimes. Until some guy with a Charisma of B comes up with something else to do in their free time. Too flighty for organized belief systems. The Church of the Chosen Ones is described in canon material, but doesn't seem to be terribly widespread.

7. Daryen - a sort of religion based on an odd little droyne-looking god with big eyes, like an ancestral memory of their time in the Orchards.

8. Hivers - no concept of religion. They've devoted thousands of years trying to figure out what it means, but have made no progress other than to build a huge library of the beliefs of others. The ultimate secular pragmatists.

9. K'Kree - CRUSH THE G'NAAK BENEATH YOUR HOOVES! SLAY THEM! DRIVE THEM INTO THE GREATER DARK, THAT THEY MAY PERISH OF STARVATION AND LONELINESS! But no religion. Its just the way they are. The imperative to kill G'naak via interstellar genocide is no more unusual to them than being curious is to a human. Its just an emotion that they experience in place of, say, happiness. Love is being with other K'Kree. Pride is biting another K'Kree until it abandons its retinue and flees away to the outer steppes.

Heck, there are thousands of worlds that have been developing in the TU for thousands of years. There could be any number of religions, some of which would resemble those we know in the real world, others that would be pretty much incomprehensible.

10. If you really want to have fun, let your players land on a planet of Gozer worshippers (i.e. Ghostbusters). You don't have to actually have ghosts or demonic canine accountants, or anything like that. But you could still have a lot of fun working up the society that developed around the concept of waiting for the Destructor and protecting hereditary lineages of Gatekeepers and Keymasters...

But that's sorta my take on it. With the right gaming group and a good story, religion could play a central and vital role in a Traveller game. On the other hand, if one's interest is running a Jump-2 tramp freighter along the Spinward Main, the closest thing you'll come to religion is the colorful language used by the engineer when the drive starts throwing off sparks halfway through the jump...

IMTU, religion as we would understand it, is a peculiarly human concept. The Vargr are a little more like Humaniti, so maybe they have concepts that are closer to "religion" in their cultures. The Aslan are a little further removed, so maybe they have beliefs/customs/behaviors/ideas that seem a ~little~ bit like religion, but not exactly. Droyne, Hiver and K'Kree are so far removed from Humaniti biologically and behaviorally that they may appear to engage in religious beliefs, but they really aren't. They're expressing their own alien ideas. Even more "alien" critters, like the various hot/cold worlders and the floating inhabitants of gas giants would probably have even less in common with Humaniti, and be pretty much incomprehensible.

That doesn't exactly lend itself to easy roleplay, especially for someone that wants to play an alien, but it makes sense to me.

Differences in religious beliefs between species...

A dog thinks, "Hey, these folks feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me ... They must be gods!"

A cat thinks, "Hey, these folks feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me ... I must be a god!"

Very different conclusions from the same data set.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

And the latest news...

This site is certified 34% EVIL by the Gematriculator

And just to help reinforce the point, here's a new Character Archetype for the "All Flesh Must Be Eaten" RPG:

New Archetype, Dead Body
Survivor


Attributes All at 0
Secondary values All at 0

Qualities and Drawbacks None

Skills None

Gear Stolen, stripped and scavenged

Quote Character's name scratched on crude gravemarker

Personality None

Stuff and Things

Travelling

(as always, all links used without permission)

Y'know, I'd really forgotten how much I liked the Traveller RPG. Not the T20 rules, nice though those folks are, or the Megatraveller system, cool though the setting is, or the New Era/Error or GURPS Traveller or Traveller 4. Just Classic Traveller. Coolest game system ever if you ignore the part about maybe getting killed during the character generation process - Yeah, your character could die before starting the game, which sorta defeats the purpose of making a character in the first place. But if you ignore that part, its way cool. Just get a spaceperson and start playing. Roll 2d6, add any modifiers, and beat an 8. Streamlined, efficient, and able to handle pretty much anything.

All the other versions have a lot of great ideas, ranging from the Hard Times of Megatraveller, to the oddball "I wish the Ancients would just leave me alone" stuff in T4. GURPS Traveller too. Their Behind the Claw sourcebook for the Spinward Marches is excellent, even though I don't play GURPS and know nothing about the rules.

So, if you want to have some fun with old school roleplaying (i.e. using dice, pencil and paper) and find the concept of battling an Ine Givar boarding party with a PGMP-14 while trying not to melt your own airlock, check it out: Space Opera gaming at its finest.

Chocolate Cheese Rage Wains...

Looks like the Cloverfield/1-18-08 mayhem is dying down. I'm guessing the movie is still gonna come out, but as far as what it's actually about... Who the heck knows.

Some theories from various persons:
1. Aliens
2. Mutants with zombie backup
3. Standard Giant Monster
4. Non-Standard Giant Monster
5. Voltron (debunked)
6. Cthulhu (debunked)

Some theories from me:
1. Dagon (Hey! He/It isn't Cthulhu, and if memory serves, Dagon had a lot more interaction with humans near the New England coastline than Cthulhu ever did in the South Pacific). On the same lines, why not a Shoggoth or some other Lovecraftian critter?
2. No monster. Just mass hysteria and a government conspiracy.
3. Remake of "The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms".
4. Some monster (choose one of the above, or insert your own) that is occasionally glimpsed but never really seen.

Still like the teaser trailer, but definitely not going to see this on opening night.

And on the gripping hand, there's still a new Godzilla movie in the works.

Friday, August 17, 2007

TGIF! And more on Slusho clues...

Yeah, TGIF. Tropical Storm/Depression Erin just kicked the crap outta us down here in South Texas. Blah! Glad to have the week over. All we have to do now is get past Hurricane Dean...

So, here are a few more clues for all y'all Cloverfield fanatics out there on the 'Net.

Made Fresh For You = Head for some fury. Furious, perhaps? That's what the poster said.

You'll have to figure out your own anagrams from these:

"I'm glad if I don't see you."
Betty Barsuglia.
Evil abounds, Demon-Born. Eat two sandwiches.
Make trouble.

And keep these words in mind:
Anywhere.
Concrete.

Also, take the movie poster and examine it closely:

It's not a "snapshot." It shows a series of events, kinda like taking a picture in 4-D. It shows several things as they happen, in sequence, from left to right.

And then get a high res copy of the poster and tinker with wavelengths, RBG, negatives, etc. You might just find something written in the poster.

Also take note of the orientation of the Statue of Liberty. She's looking the wrong way, kinda like she's wondering what just ripped off her head and tossed into central Manhattan. There are clues there as well.

Enjoy!

Monday, August 13, 2007

Chocolate Rage?

So, since I have nothing else to do and no real life outside of work, I was thinking about this Cloverfield/1-18-08 movie again today on the commute home from work.

And, should anyone actually be reading this, you may thank me now. I have decided to share certain facts that have fallen into my clutches. You may not like them, and you may not believe them, but that's all cool with me.

Being an old TexasZombie, I've met a lot of folks over the years. I make friends readily and try to stay in touch. This is called Networking. It's also called being friendly, but let's call in Networking. It sounds cooler and less provincial.

Okay - you all should know the rules by now - All links are used without permission.

So, back to Cloverfield.

The concensus from folks with whom I've spoken is that the Cloverfield movie will have the following attributes:

1. Little or no clear view of the monster, due to budgetary constraints and film style.

2. Focus almost entirely on a group of hip youngsters running from said monster. This will be a bit odd, even for a monster movie. See * below.

3. Did I mention the monster will get little to no screen time? This has come up repeatedly from folks with whom I've spoken.

Now, don't get me wrong - I thought the trailer was creepy and cool. This may well be a fine movie, and the folks involved in making it are in all probability really nice folks.

Just don't be expecting something along the lines of a Godzilla movie. This is going to be more like a 1950's monster movie. 75% of the movie is people talking and looking scared and running. 20% is shadows and roars and footprints. 5% is monster.

I'm definitely skipping opening weekend, however. This is looking more and more like a renter instead of a "crank my cranky butt out of doors and pay a bunch of money on opening day" movie.

*Manhattan is a big place, even if one is from Texas. And there are a LOT of people in Mahattan - something like 1.5 million. So, let's suspend disbelief and put a giant monster in Battery Park. Let's say for the sake of example that it has pulled the head off the Statue of Liberty, caused an earthquake and explosion, and thrown said statue head into midtown Manhattan.

Everybody's gonna $hit a brick and head outta town by car, train, on foot, and by boat. Heck, maybe some folks on Central Park West have their own rooftop helicopters. That's a lot of people on the move.

But that's my point. Most folks will head out of town and even a hugh giant critter will only be visible as a dust cloud or smoke. For anyone to see said monster for most of a movie is either poor script writing (unless they're part of a monster chasing team or something) or just plain bad luck. Either way, it's kinda lame.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

You Can't Drink Just Hype

G'morning, everyone!

WARNING! WARNING! ALL LINKS USED WITHOUT PERMISSION - Deal with it, link folks! I haven't had my coffee yet.

So, anyway, I'm like thinking about all this Cloverfield/Slusho before I went to sleep last night (the book I was reading was INCREDIBLY boring - sorry, Greg).

And then this thought starts coming together...

There may not be a monster in this virally-advertised way-too-cool too-hyped movie. Allow me to postulate. At the very least, this old zombie is a bit concerned.

1. Why this much hype this early on? Is Paramount worried? Why threaten websites that post too much information with legal action? Honestly, I think this is hype too. I mean, come on Paramount. Are you really so reduced in significance that this is meaningful legal action to you? Talk about over-inflated egos! You'd think the movie industry does something really important and critical, unlike folks that do unimportant things likes, oh, I dunno, making medicine, curing and healing folks, building machines, keeping the electricity and water running, etc. *

2. I've heard the film will be released initially in Japan. In Ichigatsu. Why? Are Paramount and Bad Robot worried the movie won't do as well in the US in the following summer?

3. Hyper-hype about secrecy and scripts and call sheets and stuff. Is there a problem with the script? Rewrites due to budgetary constraints? Problems with a good ending for the story?

4. I'm beginning to wonder if there's gonna even be a monster in this Giant Monster Movie. There are several reasons:
  • The producer uses pretty much the same team for everything, and they don't seem to write conventional scripts. They get off on messing with folks' heads and considering themselves to be some sort of intellectual elite. I know the type. I seem them everyday.
  • An artsy-pretentions of intellectual superiority-Blair Witchy monster movie might be considered cool if said monster were not shown. Implied instead. Focus on the faces of the oh-so-sincere actors.
  • No budget. $30 million used to be a fortune. Not anymore.
  • Politics. Got this sneaking suspicion that the movie makers are going to be more interested in making the movie look like 9/11 to invoke visceral fear in the audience, then toss in some ham handed and ignorant polite commentary.

5. So I'm beginning to wonder if we're gonna see a monster, or just glimpse it, or just have an implied monster. Heck, wouldn't surprise me at this point if the monster turns out to be a conspiracy or delusion.

*So I think I've about convinced myself to NOT go see the movie. I'm thinking the signs indicate "No so good" and "Over hyped" and "The guys making the film are jerks."**

  • Exhibit A: The San Diego Comic Con incident. The producer made a big scene about announcing the title of the movie, then basically said, "No, I've decided not to tell you." All with what looked to me to be an expression of smug self-satisfaction.

So there's the early morning egomaniacal scoop on Cloverfield this bright Sunday mornin'.

BLAH! I NEED COFFEE! BLAH! BLAH, HUMBUG!

Saturday, August 11, 2007

IÄ! IÄ! TEXASZOMBIE FTAGHN!

Okay, so a little more about this Cloverfield movie trailer...

WARNING! ALL LINKS USED WITHOUT PERMISSION

When the head of the Statue of Liberty comes bouncing down the road (which is a very cool shot), something didn't set right. I think I know what it is:

The head, from chin to cranium is just shy of 20 feet. Maybe it's an optical illusion, but the head in the trailer didn't look that big. More like the size of an SUV.

Then again, a Murano is about 16 feet long, so this may be an optical illusion. Like the fireballs hitting the buildings, it may be that the CGI effects are not finished yet, and that the whole thing was test footage.

So, about the monster and Slusho...

It's still not Cthulhu. Of this I am certain for a lot of reasons that other folks have already discussed.

I was thinking "Beast from 20,000 Fathoms" or a reimagining of same. Then it occurred to me:

"Oh, crap! Maybe there's no monster at all!" Meaning, there may be a monster in the monster movie (I'd certainly hope so), but it may not be seen often, in toto, or at all. The worst case scenario, this isn't even a monster movie. Instead it's some kind of polical mind f*ck in which the "monster" is a frabriction of a government trying to hold on to power through fear, like the 9/11 conspiracy stuff/crap.

I certainly hope that's not the case. Heck, I LOVE giant monster movies. I don't want some political commentary. I wanna see a big ol' critter tear stuff up.

But back to the conspirings and wonderings and things and stuff...

There's this consistent idea/interpretation that seems to have taken hold. Slusho is people. The critter is called the Parasite. No, it's an alien. No, it's Chocolate Cheese Rage. I like the idea of some kind of toxic organism that results from, or is in some way revenge for, human activities. So a mutant squid-bacteria-sea turtle would be cool.

Anagrams

"You can't drink just six." = "A toxic industry's junk."

Yeah, everyone knows this one. But did you know you can make more Anagrams from phrases associated with this film? And these anagrams will REVEAL THE MOVIE TO US!!!

Chocolate Rage = The Cloaca Ogre. Hmmmm...lots of critters have a cloaca, and ogres are monsters... Or even Cloaca Get Hero. That's disturbing. About as disturbing as the hero getting a cloaca...

Cloverfield = Cod Liver Elf. Well, cod liver comes from cods, which come from the sea, which is where the Statue of Liberty is standing on an island, and an elf is a mischevious being that might find tossing said statue's head into Manhattan to be pretty funny. Or, and this may be the real ultimate truth: "Relic of Veld." The Veld is the Veldt and a relic of veld would have to come from the veldt, so maybe the monster is a giant gnu.

Metagenomics = Mincemeats Go. Slusho is people, and people are mincemeats that are eaten and must go. Obvious, right?

Littlest Whale = Wealth's little. Right! Money won't save you from the monster! This producer dude must be an incredible genius!

(censored name of supposed character in movie) = "Ask a Maria." Prayer is our only salvation from the monster.

(censored name of supposed other character in movie) = "A Calm Gray." Well, like, y'know, ummm...the sea is kinda gray on a foggy day, and the sea can be calm, so like, y'know, this means, like, the monter comes outta the sea.

So, yeah, like, there ya have it.
The monster comes out of the sea. It is acts like an ogre and an elf and has a cloaca, which might or might not get our hero. It probably looks like a fishy prehistoric giant gnu, and hops right out of a calm gray sea to hack up Lady Liberty. Wealth will not save anyone. They must pray.

So, yeah, like there ya have it. This is where the clues lead us.

Makes as much sense as anything else, thinks I.

Friday, August 10, 2007

NEW AND IMPROVED SLUSHO

"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh TexasZombie Texas wgah'nagl fhtagn."

So, like, I finally get around to getting back online and whatnot, and I'm noticing all this collyshangy about "1-18-08" and "Cloverfield" and "Slusho."

Is someone making a Giant Monster Movie? Cool.

Heheheh.

Viral marketing? Okay. Better be worth it, Paramount and Bad Robot. If it isn't, I'll never watch Lost again. Oh, wait. I've never watched Lost before. So, yeah, that's not gonna work...

So, anyway, I'm wondering about all this stuff (better that than wondering about work) and I start tinkering around. AND I FIND SECRET STUFF!!!

BEHOLD!

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"You can't drink just six" = "A toxic industry's junk".
Cthulhu = "Cult, huh?"
Slusho = "Uh, loss?"

So then I mix this with the trailer that everyone's seen a bazillion times over.
I liked the "monster" sound - roar? moan? Whatever, it's cool.

So then I tried an experiment: I played the trailer for some cats and they didn't respond.

I played a recording of a moaning polar bear for them and they listened intented.

I played the infamous "BLOOP!" sonar recording and they listened intently.

1-18-08 trailer again, and they start licking their butts.

A recording of a bottlenose dolphin and they listened intently.

So, here's my additon to the Cloverfield Mythology - the monstrous roar is synthetic, with no natural animal sounds. I could go on and on about this, but the cats don't lie.

I'm Not Criswell, But I Play a Psychic on My Blog

"The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms" is based on a Ray Bradbury short story called "The Lighthouse." The final battle with the Rhedosaur from the movie takes place at an amusement park. Cloverfield references Coney Island.

I'm pretty sure they don't mean Island of the Monster Rabbits.

So, my Prediction - 1-18-08 we get a remake/reimagining of "The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms."

No Cthulhu. Cthulhu doesn't smash buildings. Cthulhu makes you go nuts and off your buddies and get into weird cults and stuff.

That is not dead which can eternal lie,
And with strange aeons even death may die.

See? Nothing about eating New York or chasing hip young people around town.